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I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
Hi there, what's up you guys???
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
Hi there, what's up you guys???
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
If a man does his best, what else is there?
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do — whether it is correct or not.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
If a man does his best, what else is there?
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
I am not young enough to know everything.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
Why don't you write books people can read?
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
If you are going through hell, keep going.
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIÂ !
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
Why don't you write books people can read?
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIÂ !
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do — whether it is correct or not.
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
hxeofrvfoujod, http://www.ezteczhhap.com mjbsrcpniy
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
If a man does his best, what else is there?
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
A hen is only an eggÂ’s way of making another egg.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
If thereÂ’s one thing I know itÂ’s God does love a good joke.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
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Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
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Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
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I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
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My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
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I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
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My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
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If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
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Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
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Joli site, pas de fioritures, des petites astuces bien pratiques ;)
Je trouve votre site hyper génial, je vous souhaite pleins de succès car vous le méritez, bonne continuation et encore bravo pour ce superbe site ! Visiter le mien: www.teslogos.com, site de toutes collections « figurines et statuettes, jeux vidéos, films et séries TV, cartoons et dessins animés, jouets, cartes postales...»
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Je cherchais en vain comment activer GD avec PHP... Et j'ai trouvé ton astuce, lumineuse de simplicité. Oui, les problèmes sont souvent entre le clavier et le dossier de la chaise... MERCI!![]()
Salut, je suis tombé par hasard sur ton site, et je le trouve vraiment sympa car le contenu est intéressant.
A+++ et bonne continuation.
ton site a l'air tres bien, je viendrais sans doute le regarder de temps a autres, si je peut te donner juste un petit conseil : met un padding left pour le corp de genre 15px, ou alors c'est toi qui a choisi le style coller, je trouve ca un peut moins beau personelement ;)
mon dieu... ca le fait pas (désolé il est tard) je voulais bien sûr dire, entrer en contact avec Toi ;)
Bonjour.
J'ai besoin d'entrer en contact avec moi.
pourrais tu me recontacter rapidemment ?
merci d'avance ![]()
Ayolas.
Salut Quentin. Ton site est vraiment très chouette et bien fourni ! Bonne continuation à toi :)
[A][/A]Je m ennuie beaucoup de St Quentin,nous avons de bon souvenir.Mais malheureusement on na pas la chance di retourne souvent.Salut et au plaisir
Sur un site tu as dit :
Bonjour,
pourquoi voudrais-tu interdire un comportement tout à fait habituel et normal ?
Pour embrouiller tes utilisateurs ?
Je sais comment on fait, mais.... je veux d'abord savoir.
Moi je recherche ce truc et je t'explique le WHY ?
en faite il sagit d'une saisie par code a bare lecteur non programmable ... donc a chaque saisie je me retouve avec une validation de mon formulaire ... c'est un peu chiant !!!
ta solution ou un piste me serait du plus grant aide
Merci d'avance mailto:raphael.le.berre@free.fr ....
Certains messages ont été supprimés car considérés comme étant du spam. Merci de votre compréhension.
Certains messages ont été supprimés car considérés comme étant du spam. Merci de votre compréhension.
http://lepandamalicieux.free.fr/forum/viewtopic.php?t=582
Bonjour Quentin - C'est Amatxi & j'ai été dirigée sur ton site par Seb42 suite à ton énigme "do you speak orange" !!
Le petit lien ci-dessus n'a rien à voir avec l'informatique, mais j'ai vu que tu es passionné de planètes et autres étoiles, et en cliquant, tu vas tomber sur un site (d'énigmes aussi), où sévissent deux "fondus" de système solaire : Manolito (c'est son site) & LeSingeMalicieux
Ils sont vraiment sympatiques & j'ai pensé que vous pourriez délirer tous les 3 !
Quant à ton site, il va m'aider à mieux comprendre les subtilités de l'informatique que j'adore mais qui me fait un peu "peur" !!!
à + et bonne continuation - Amatxi
desolé pour le msg zigouigoui mais cetait un test...
vrmt dsl
[A][/A]esfessgdfwfdsgfswgdsqfesqfsesqfsdsfdesfesdes
bonjour et félicitation pour ton site
merci pour les codes (je suis en train d'intaller le Script des News sur mon site (linux)
bravo ..et continue
Kzone
Gros
probleme de pages tout est decaler la page principale est sous le menu et le compteur de pages vue un peu de l'arnaque Page vue 1113 fois depuis le 19.04.2005.
Et voici un bon site http://*****.ifrance.com désolé j'aime pas le foot
Le WebMaster herve22
Bonjour,
J'avais déjà vu ton site il y a quelques temps, Quentin, mais comme j'y repasse plus souvent ces derniers temps, autant faire un détour par ici.
Quand je relis les commentaires précédents, je ne vois pas quoi rajouter... c'est un site sans fioritures, fonctionnel, pratique, acessible, etc. Bref,
autant dire un exemple à suivre (ce que je compte faire). Merci pour le boulot (ici ou sur Alsa).
Salut Quentin sa va ? Merci pour
le message sur mon livre d'or sa fait plaisir. J'aimerais juste te signaler la nouvelle adresse du site de Day of Midday. Maintenant c'est www.dayofmidday.com.
Allez a plumse
Salut Quentin!
Et dire que je vais de temps à autre sur ton site depuis que tu es sur le mien sans t'avoir il me semble laissé un seul message ici!
Tout d'abord je trouve le nouveau design fort réussi! Vraiment comme l'a souligné Seb42 un aspect tres "propre", tres "classe" et une facilité déconcertante
de navigation.
Effectivement ce que tu code est tres impressionnant! Jviendrai prendre des cours si tu le veux bien :)
Bonne continuation a toi Quentin!
je
vous trouve tres beau ![]()
Salut QuentinC !!
J'ai découvert ton site par l'intermédiaire de 2e4u, et je pense que mon pseudo devrait te dire quelquechose...
Je tiens également à apporter mes plus sincéres félicitations dans ton livre d'Or !!! Ton travail est vraiment remarquable !!
Je ne suis pas un expert en programmation, mais tu as fait en sorte d'en mettre pour tous les goûts, et c'est tout à ton honneur !! Je me suis donc logiquement
attardé sur tes pages jeux et blagues, et je suis complétement tombé sous le charme de la propreté et la convivialité de tes réalisations !! J'ai adoré
ton Quizz, ton Calcul mental ou encore ton Casse-brique... Mais mon gros coup de coeur se porte sur ton Number Grid !!! C'est complétement original et
suffisamment prenant pour que j'en devienne complétement accroc !!
Tes travaux sont dignes d'un professionnel et j'éspère que dans l'avenir des personnes reconnaîtront ton talent pour que tu puisses l'exprimer en toute
liberté !!
Bonne continuation à toi et encore merci pour ce site qui fait parti des très bonnes surprises que l'on peut croiser sur la toile !!
Sympathique le site... ^^ en tout cas j'ai bien aimé le
jeu de la culture général, mais détester d'une force majeur le LoveTest >:-K (I hate !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Mais voili voila ![]()
Sur ceux bonne continuation ![]()
Salut mon gars! franchement, j'ais bcp de choses à te dir. voilà
de 1, j'avais jammai pris le temps de m'intéresser à ce que tu fais, ni à t pastemps. je savais pas en outre que tu savait jouer du piano. sa explique
les arangement bien fait de tes musiques midi. de deux, je suis super content que ton site recoive des félicitation, et que le con qui le critique, tu
di mec, jlui casse les dents.... mdrrrrr oui c vrai, j'ais pas l'aire super intelligent à côté de tes camarades qui javate et htmlette, et php etc, c
vrai que l'informatique, enfaite j'ais jammai pu vraiment croché dedant. mai ton petit programme \"miditexte\" est formidable, et je fais de
belle compo avec... oui, à côté de toi, chu pas grand, mais on fait comme on peut ein :D enfin, je suis super content pour toi que sa marche, et c super
si tu peux aider des gens comme sa, des programeurs etc, etc. ton site st très complet, ya bcp de truc, et jvai faire de la pub, mtn que jlai visité...
parcontre ya un truc qui m'énerve, j'arrive pas à faire les translation de pitch band entre une note de dépar, et une d'arrivée.. je pencais que c'étai
comme les comment dir qu'il fallait se baser à partie de Hz \"herz\", mai enfaite non... tu vois exemple je pencais que faire un do -2d pour
aller à un do -1d fallai mettre: crh:9,18,4 9 est égal au do premié et 18 deux deusièmme, mai enfaite je vois que sa joue pas. amoin qu'il faille mettre
ex pour fait un la 440 crh:440,880,4 pour faire monté le pitch d'un octave. enfin, faudra que tu m'explique, en attandant, je te salue bien bas, et te
dit: felisitades!!!!!
Bonjour Quentin.
Je te souhaite une bonne année 2006 :)
Au passage je tenais à te dire que j'appréciais beaucoup tout ce que tu fais via le forum Alsa. Tu es compétent et tu apportes énormément à la communauté.
Bonne continuation à toi.
Thanh.
Salut,
Bonne année ,
en tout cas félicitation pour ton site qui est très bien fait et surtout très complet... comme quoi...rien n'est impossible dans la vie .. encore faut
il pouvoir s'en persuader ....
bonne continuation.
xavier![]()
Bravo
pour ton site. Je travaille comme développeur et administrateur réseau dans une administration. C'est à partir d'un forum que je suis arrivé ici... On
ne peut que t'encourager pour ce que tu fais !... Encore bravo
Je pense que bon nombre de programmeurs devraient prendre exemple sur ton site et ta capacité
à rendre l'information accessible en un seul clic (ou raccourci clavier
)! Je te souhaite bonne continuation et à bientôt !
Salut
Très bien ton site, très complet. ![]()
Bonne continuation
Bravo et bon courage
. Continue comme ça. On trouve de tout la dedans![]()
Salut, tu viens de repondre a une question sur un forum javascript et en plus de ton aide je connais
maintenant ce site.
alors non seulement il est bien fait mais en plus il y a des choses tres interessante, je l'ai deja mis en favoris!
Que dire? continue comme cela et tu reussiras dans la vie sans probleme malgre les obstacles...
A+ et merci
salut, je vouler te dire que ton site est vraiment génial et utile continue
comme ca et bon courage.
a+
Bravo, félicitations pour ce site, ce que je trouve le plus génial
en ce qui concerne la maitrise de la programmation ce n'est pas trop le fait du handicap mais plus celui de l'age, encore bravo et continue dans cette
voie
Super travail. Beaucoup de gens bien plus valide que toi sont loin
de faire un aussi bon travail.
Merci egalement pour ta participation a web-pour-tous.
A tres bientot
philippe
houahou !!! chapeau mec
il est genial se site ! vas faloir kon se recontacte l'amis ...
;)
Je suis tout simplement admiratif devant toi Quentin. Admiratif
pour ton niveau en programmation, d'autant plus impressionnant pour ton age. Et puis connaissant bien les problemes que l'on a pour creer un site, je
trouve que ce que tu fais est véritablement bluffant, tu m'as scotché pour ce soir!Des fois j'étais reticent à faire un site accessible, mais quand je
pense a des types comme toi, je me dis que vous vallez largement que je me casse la tete. Encore bravo Monsieur
Salut,
nouvelle version pas mal!
Sympa ce site, tu te débrouille bien en programation !! Continue et ..; A tout de suite sur le forum tjs !
Salut, ton site est cool... pas mal de chose bêtemment utiles (on y pense jamais) Il faudrais que tu fasse une page de liens (et que tu y mettes mon site)
et améliorer les menus du haut car ca joue pas tout à fait... Je fais également des cours en PHP alors on pourrais s'affilier histoire de s'aider... Bonne
journée.
Gilles
Merci à toi de nous proposer autant de petites choses. Moi aussi j'aime bien la programmation et plus precisemment celle liée au web (php,javascript). Je
suis tombé par hasard sur ton jukebox qui m'a beaucoup plu, bien entendu je n'aime pas copier coller les scripts alors je l'ai modifier à ma sauce. Je
le mettrais en ligne des que j'aurais résolu la compatibilité sur mozilla car je n'aime pas IE. Bonne continuation.
Vraiment du beau travail , félicitations et en plus c'est bien valide que demande le peuple
héhé aller bon courag et continu dans cette élan Quentin...
Merci a toi de nous fair profitez de ce site. Aller @++
Bravo pour ton site très intéressant
Big respect a toi Quentin la preuve que même avec un handicap, on arrive toujours grâce a la motivation !! Bravooooooooo
site très dense et très interessant. J'y ai trouvé des infos pour mes petits dev en javascript. Quentin, merci pour ton aide.
Je vous trouve extraordinaire.
salut :) felicitations !! je suis tombé la par hazard et par Google j'ai trouve ce que je cherchais et j'ai pris le lien afin de le mettre sur mon forum
communautaire je reviendrais ...
Bravo pour ton site je vais te donner 2 liens que tu devrais apprecier http://www.ceciaa.com/ c'est une ref pour certains non et mal voyant ! et
http://www.alsacreations.com/ egalement une bonne reference continue et amuse toi bien !
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